I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize