Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
