Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
