it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
