I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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