i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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