1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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