Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
