Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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