Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
