I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Even the bartender felt bad for me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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