it wasn't lemon gatorade
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
