How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
