I should be sponsored by Trojan
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
