So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
