im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize