i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
