Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
