Non-Jews are for practice
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
