Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
