You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
