Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
