I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize