he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
