shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize