I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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