I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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