but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
