On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
