I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
