By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
