what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
