How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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