Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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