Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize