Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize