Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
