I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize