ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
