Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize