I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
