I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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