Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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