As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
