explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm determined to sit on that face.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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