I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
