i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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