Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
