just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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