Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
