come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
