I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
