I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
