I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
