Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize