I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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