My liver just broke up with me...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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