i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize