Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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