i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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