I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
