Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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