are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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