Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
