you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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