Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
