oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
