I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
