surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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