ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
