If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize