"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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