his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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