OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
