Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
