Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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