I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Vodka?
Forever.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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