You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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