i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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