You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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