You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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