we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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