eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
