dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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