I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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