I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
