i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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