We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize