saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
