i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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