Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
