I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just blew my weed a kiss
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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