This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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