just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
