i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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