just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
