please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
