I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
