How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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