They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My penis needs a shock collar
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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