the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
