I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
