The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
