I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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