One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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