i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
