im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
