I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
